hum ho

It seems that cranio is on my brain alot at the moment I'm not sure why it's just there. Denver last eye test went perfect he has perfect vision and there has been no change in the pressure at the back of his eyes so great news. I can just never forgive myself for having to physically hold him down to get the drops in his eyes they sting him and make his vision really blurry so he cant see and this time the drops didn't work the first time so had to be done again. I just wish it was gone. This week we also received his latest neurophysocial assessment and who on earth wants to get on of those in the mail and this is our second. And it wasn't even that bad he has improved in many areas and is the same in others there will always be things that will be hard for him but i hate getting it in writing and having to process it. We also received a form home to fill out for the school nurse when she comes around there is nothing like having to fill out yes to every specialist that they list and ask has your child seen them in the last twelve months. He also suffered his first real bad headache since the op and it lasted all day and he didn't move off me all day. It was a bit of a shock as he hadn't had one in a year. holy shit i just wish the ground could have swolled me up and take me some where else away from this. And that's just me that's not even covering Denver and what he goes through.
I found it really hard when people ask me at the deli, or in a line or so out of the blue, i am prepared and OK when I'm chatting with some one i know but don't stand next to me at the deli and just suddenly expect there to be an in depth conversation about Denver and how he is going. Denver has school photos are coming up and I'm worried that he will look funny or ugly or wrong. Other people tell me they don't notice or cant see any thing different about it but i can I'm his mum and i can. I want my mind to stop. I want Denver to be healed and me heart to stop hurting.