Today we are one week post brain pressure check surgery and I am still lost. Today we had his kinder interview with the teacher where the kids get to meet the teacher, check out the place, choose a new locker and you chat to the teacher about your kid what they like what they don't etc etc. Well today it wasn't like that for me he got to choose his locker and every thing but my time was spent talking to the teacher about Denver and his cranio. I just wanted it to be normal but it couldn't be. For one he has his bandage on his head. It's so funny people ask him ooh what did you do little man, how did you hurt your head? And he just goes matter of factly 'I just had some surgery'. Well they don't know what to say and look lost. So that's how today started at kinder. I knew that I had to chat to his teacher about his headaches, slurred speech,forgetfulness, never stopping motor in his brain, his sudden tiredness some days and that he might miss a few days due to appointments and further surgery. I just didn't expect to feel like this. I didn't expect to feel gutted and robbed. I didn't expect to be planning appointments and surgeries around his kinder. I didn't expect to still feel so scared. It makes it so real when you have to say it out loud to some one for the first time and explain it and go into detail. I don't want it to be real, I want it to be a bump on his head not the stitches holding together his skin where they cut and drilled a hole into my sons head. I don't want to know the pressure reading of his brain and I don't want to know that he gets headaches every night. He had a bad day today headaches, the stitches are getting itchy and he was SO tired he sleep for three hours this afternoon and I've gone back to when he was a baby checking him all the time while he sleeps to make sure he is ok.
I don't want to know what I know any more, I don't want to think about it, hear about it , talk about it, I don't want to feel it.
No comments:
Post a Comment