We are now five weeks and a few days post op. It has been a better week emotionally this week. I went to a women's circle on the weekend and got to focus on my feeling and why they were still so intense and haunting me so. It felt like a release. So it has been a better week for me we have had a few things going on, Deni has got an infection in his wound which i noticed one night during my nightly inspections. Just some dry puss but then if you touched near it some puss oozed out. It was late on a Saturday night and after much talking with my sisters and dad who are all in the medical profession it was decided that unless he developed a fever or became unwell it was fine to leave it till morning. So we went to bed and he was fine at the hospital the next morning they did a swab and he got some anti bodices. The Dr was amazed that he knew exactly what to do when they got the bp machine out, the oxygen reader out and all that other stuff, he didn't like it but he did it. Two more visits later and it's healing nicely although it has been hard to get him back to the Dr's he is just over it.
Might en look like much but it's enough to cause serious problems if left untreated, it you pressed around it puss oozed out, the redness was slowly spreading up the suture wound as the infection spread.
So that sorted it was time to look at the diary and figure out when our next round of appointments started. I had enjoyed a wonderful 2 weeks appointment free and not even looking at my diary. I felt the anxiety arrive the minute I got the diary out. Then I realised that i had lost a referral the one for his special 3d photo's that he needs to get done 6-8 weeks after surgery, I searched everywhere, rang people Na couldn't find it. The panic set in and I had a full blown anxiety attack over a stupid fucking referral, I was so made at myself for losing it, how could i be so careless and stupid to lose it, i was so angry at myself for letting myself have time off, relax,drop the ball and this is what happens. You can't just get in contact with my Dr and get a referral it[s just not that easy it's a full on process to go through the hospital system, it would be more heartache then what it was worth. The next morning i suddenly thought you know what it ain't that bad it can be sorted, it will be OK. We are straight back into it next week two appointments eye test on Tuesday which is one of the ways they check the pressure on the brain (nervous about this one) and then post op with the surgeon not to worried about this one I think it will just be a run down on what happened but i am hoping we will get some idea of the immediate future for Denver and i will get a new referral and the photo's will just be a couple of days later than planned but in the big picture i now know that that's OK and it will be fine, hos head is not going to change in a couple of days.The Dr's such an ass I'm not looking forward to trying to talk to him, but hey.
Deni's head. I am now starting to accept the new head, I decided I don;t have to like it but I can be happy that this one no longer causes him pain like the old one, this one is different but that's OK too, i will grow to like it and maybe one day I won't notice the bumps, scar and feel the screws and metal that are now holding his head together. may be one day i will be OK with what happened but maybe i won't. I am hoping my feeling might start to change when the helmet comes off and i am just seeing him and not his helmet as well. May be one day i will forgive myself for this and hopefully he will too. I don't know how i will cope with going back to the hospital and starting the round of appointments again, I don't feel as strong as I was before I feel a bit old and withered by the storm that is cranio.
Denver is still showing some signs of trauma associated with the surgery and appointments that we have been too so I am unsure about how he will go. The first appointment we have is an eye test and this is the one I have always had to hold him down for and i am scared it will be worse now. I hate holding him down, it breaks my heart. I am now looking into getting Denver some counselling by a specialist counsellor who deals in this area to see if they can help, I feel that if this is left untreated and ignored it will only come back to hurt us down the long run, no one should have to live with trauma and if they do have trauma i want him to be supported. So that's me, going on a bit tonight but i am nervous. Send us your strength and love the journey is still going.
Some pictures of Deni's head 5 weeks post op.
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