Last night we danced and it was lovely. We made an unplanned stop at the RSL to have dinner with Matts pa and there was great music. So after dinner the kids and I got to some serious dancing. It was fantastic just to dance and have fun with the kids. Towards the end of the night I sat down to have a breather and was watching the kids dance when I was watching Deni dance and all of a sudden I thought this is the last time we will be out together as a family before they change him and touch his head. What a strange thought at a strange time. On Thursday after eye u/s, eye tests and holding my son down screaming for the eye drops and then seeing the neurosurgeon we where told that they want to cut a hole in denvers skull put some special monitors on his brain and have the monitors connected to leads that come out of his head that are then connected to a machine that will read his brain pressure. We have to be there for 2 nights 3 days. It's freaky. He will have leads coming out of his head attached to a machine and be awake for 3 days with that. Heaven help us. How will we do that? He is four not really the laying still kind. We are doing this on Thursday, yep Thursday. What if they don't get the answers they need? What if some thing goes wrong? How will we do this? Some people have said why does he need that? Why don't they just do the big op? Why do we have to do this? I feel stupid saying cause they said so. It was only after I started telling people and people starting questioning the need for it that I started to get confused. I thought I totally understood it and why it was needed when talking to the neurosurgeon and was only once I walked out and started talking that the lines got blurry. I know with in me that it is needed. But his head I am so sad that they will mark him, cut him change him. Will we be ok we have to be don't we?
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