Well it is two days until the op I am sitting here at my computer and my husband is outside passed out drunk. Today he finally started to talk a little about how he was feeling but I could see that he wasn't really happy just having me to talk to so i called a good friend of his and got him to come over. So they go out cutting wood and then i get a phone call at eight at night to say that they are at the local. They are drunk. I feel pissed off. I have been home with the kids all weekend on my own so that Matt can tie up loose ends and finish jobs, so i have been cleaning the house for when my parents stay, washing our clothes so we can pack and lookin after the kids. I didn't go and get drunk, remove myself from my family, make my self so useless that I can't even walk inside. I am here looking after what needs to be done, making sure the kids are OK that things are organized and don't even bother telling me that that's how guys deal with stuff. BULL SHIT, BULL SHIT I tell you. He is not the ine who has held Deni down for every eye test, made so many phone calls about appointments and accommodation, he didn't tell people about it I did, he didn't research cranio I did, he is not going to be the one taking Deni to get before photo's of his head and he will not be the one holding Denver down for a blood test tomorrow and he will not be the one carrying Denver into theatre on Tuesday, why the fuck does he get to go and get drunk till he passes out and can't remember what is happening in real life. he needs to be here and present for me and for the kids. It has made me so aware yet again that I m in this on my own, he is not here for me. I think women where made for other women. It is the women around me who are holding me up, supporting me, loving me, listening to me and making sure that the world is still spinning.
Love my boy.
No comments:
Post a Comment