I have just finished a book I have been reading and there was some thing the said in the book that really stuck a cord with me, it just made sense to me and was like a light bulb went on. When some thing like this happens to you people say many things out of the kindness of their hearts but it's not always the best or right thing to say and that's OK, i really liked the way the women expressed herself when explaining what was happening to their family. Here's what she said.
"There are three things that well intentioned people have already said to us that are not helpful. The first is this: 'God only gives you what you can handle.' I don't believe this. I have seen in my life many people who have landed in situations that they couldn't handle. I hope that we are strong enough to handle this, but i will never accept this as a test from god. I don't believe god tests people.
"another one that gets to me is that 'this is gods plan.' that theology doesn't work for us. We don't believe that god sits up in the heavens and decides who gets what tragedy or blessing. We are certain that god didn't do this to us. We just know it happened, and now we are going to lean on our faith, and on you to get through.
"The last thing that i would be happy to never hear again is;'something good will come of this.' i have no idea what is going to come of this, but i can confidently tell you that, regardless of how this turns out, we will never, ever look back on this event and say, "Good thing that happened.'
(Inconceivable written by Carolyn and Sean Savage)
There it is it just made sense to me. I often found myself asking why us, why Denver, why me. But i don't think there is an answer. Maybe I should be asking why not us. We are no different to anyone else, we are not stronger, smarter, better parents, more resilient or any thing else we are just like you. We were not chosen, it is a comfort to know that someone is not sitting there deciding that yep they can handle this and this and this and well how about this too. I was raised catholic and I do believe in a greater being and in spirituality, i do not believe in all the teaching of the church. But I believe we are not alone and I know that I am not alone in this and will never be, but I also know that i was not singled out and chosen to have this challenge and that's a comfort to know that no one is sitting up there picking on me. Life is always full of challenges and lessons and i can only hope that we get through to the end of this life and journey still learning, still loving and still living.
"There are three things that well intentioned people have already said to us that are not helpful. The first is this: 'God only gives you what you can handle.' I don't believe this. I have seen in my life many people who have landed in situations that they couldn't handle. I hope that we are strong enough to handle this, but i will never accept this as a test from god. I don't believe god tests people.
"another one that gets to me is that 'this is gods plan.' that theology doesn't work for us. We don't believe that god sits up in the heavens and decides who gets what tragedy or blessing. We are certain that god didn't do this to us. We just know it happened, and now we are going to lean on our faith, and on you to get through.
"The last thing that i would be happy to never hear again is;'something good will come of this.' i have no idea what is going to come of this, but i can confidently tell you that, regardless of how this turns out, we will never, ever look back on this event and say, "Good thing that happened.'
(Inconceivable written by Carolyn and Sean Savage)
There it is it just made sense to me. I often found myself asking why us, why Denver, why me. But i don't think there is an answer. Maybe I should be asking why not us. We are no different to anyone else, we are not stronger, smarter, better parents, more resilient or any thing else we are just like you. We were not chosen, it is a comfort to know that someone is not sitting there deciding that yep they can handle this and this and this and well how about this too. I was raised catholic and I do believe in a greater being and in spirituality, i do not believe in all the teaching of the church. But I believe we are not alone and I know that I am not alone in this and will never be, but I also know that i was not singled out and chosen to have this challenge and that's a comfort to know that no one is sitting up there picking on me. Life is always full of challenges and lessons and i can only hope that we get through to the end of this life and journey still learning, still loving and still living.
All I have to say is that, no matter how you slice it, cranio stinks. I can think of very few positives from the journey my family's been on...but I suppose if I think about it, I could name a few.
ReplyDeleteHang in there. I don't know where you are in your journey. I can't even begin to guess what lies behind you...or ahead of you. I don't want to say I'm a "veteran" cranio-mama...but we're facing surgery #3 in 3 weeks, so I guess I'm about as close as you can get to veteran status.
Sometimes life hurts. It's unfortunate, but it's real.
Angy! I totally agree! People have said all those 3 things to me too - and they never sat well with me. Your book expresses it so well!
ReplyDeleteI think well-intentioned people often don't know what to say, so they say the cliche. And the cliches were made up by some theologically confused person! I believe in a gracious and merciful God who comforts me through the crap times. I don't think he decides who will get picked on. That's another whole big theological theory that I won't ramble on about here... but just wanted to say that I hear you, agree and hope I can pass on some comfort to you too. xxx
I love reading your raw, powerful posts as it says so much to me about the internal stuff that goes on with being a mother (times one million trillion bazillion).
ReplyDeleteYou're right, people say dumb stuff and it is for them not you. It reminds me of my theory about birth and death and support - I will inflict it on you when you come to stay! KQ X
I couldn't agree more! I really dislike it when people use God as the reason for things happening in their life. I love that you said "why not us". I've thought that many times. God is not punishing our baby for something we did or "picking on" us. This happens to 1 in every 2 thousand babies. If it wasn't our baby, it would be someone else's. I can't think of anyone who deserves this. Especially not a baby.
ReplyDelete